2018 was a year of restoration, healing, turning inward and coming back home to my self. It was a big year for my family and myself. Last year, our little family of four turned into a family of five as our little baby girl joined us earthside. She has been the perfect balanced addition to our family and is already bringing in so much more love and bright presence into our home.
Last year was a year of extreme growth and unconditional love gifted to me by my family and close support system. I finally have such a clear understanding of boundaries for self-preservation and self-love in a way I never really understood until now. I’ve made a promise to continue showing up to myself and my community. Vulnerable and honestly, let’s all commit to showing up for ourselves and outpour love each and every day.
Dr. Barbara De Angelis, a relationship consultant and spiritual teacher (among many other things) said it beautifully: “We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity.”
Setting physical AND emotional boundaries is so crucial to a well-balanced soul.
There are many times we forget to say no to others and to ourselves because we think we have to join in or help out. There are many times we say “yes” because we fear the consequence of turning things down or what we may be missing out on. But I’ve learned that often saying “no” is important in order to say yes to yourself. Once you’ve learned when to jump in and when to step back you’ve allowed yourself to manifest in a more whole and healthy way and you’re allowing others to react to this new balanced YOU.
Creating healthy boundaries creates healthy relationships, with your loved ones and acquaintances. In my work and with my husband and children I’ve learned when to take a step back, reflect on my needs, and in turn when to give fully and be in the present with each relationship I cultivate.
Here are 6 steps I’ve taken to help create + cultivate healthy boundaries:
1. Self-reflect on inner energy levels.
Take the time to check-in on your engine light. Ask yourself questions. Am I burnt out? When did I last eat? Is there a place on my body that’s in pain? These feelings are related to how your body is working at the cellular level, because how we feel on the outside mirrors what is going on inside, and vice versa.
2. Practice grounding.
Do what makes you feel secure and controlled. For me, I turn to yoga, meditation, and some self-care.
3. Make a list of what brings you pure joy.
Who fills your energy levels? Noa, Leo and Kai are constant sources of light in my life. Don’t sweat the small stuff and find gratitude for your family, your friends, or the fact you’re alive and well. A gratitude journal is a tried and true way to cultivate thankfulness and appreciation for everything—including the little things!
4. Make a list of areas in your life you’d like to strengthen.
Think about your relationships with people or jobs you’ve taken on. Are you doing too much? Too little? Where do you want to change?
5. Come to terms with the people and things that drain you and cut them out.
Probably the hardest thing to do, but the most important. Once you realize what aspects of your life are doing more harm than good; it’s time to take it out.
6. Know your support system.
Crucial for embracing your true self. Know who or what you can turn to for an extra lift.
Once you’ve learned when to say no you will begin to lead a complete, balanced life. You will feel confident, strong, inspired, secure and energized – everything you need in order to elevate yourself and connect more fully to others.
“And then I learned the spiritual journey had nothing to do with being nice. It was about being real, authentic. Having boundaries. Honoring my space first, others second. And in this space of self-care being nice just happened, it flowed not motivated by fear but by love.” – Michelle Oak
SOPHIE JAFFE is a Los Angeles-based health and wellness expert, who is certified as a raw food chef and yoga teacher. Sophie founded her company and wellness brand, Philosophie, with the goal of making it easier, more inspiring, and more delicious to attain optimal health and radiant wellness. When Sophie isn’t crafting revolutionary products from the world’s most potent superfoods, she is sharing her insights on how to live a life full of unbounded energy, bliss, and balance on the Philosophie blog and savoring every moment with her two beautiful children and loving husband.